My printer's stopped working, or "50 ways to leave your paperrrr..."

I.T. Specialists have a condition, called "Printer Shudder". It's a very common condition, which results in cold sweats, palpitations and indigestion, and is usually triggered by a certain phrase...

"My printer's stopped working."

At this point, many professionals hardened by a life in the trenches, under constant fire from users, managers & suppliers, have lost the will to live, and have ended their lives using the ancient japanese rite of Hari-Epson-ki (death by a thousand paper cuts).

To ease their ancient burden (and to prevent many a premature, and stingy death), we present to you everything you (as a user) need to know about your printer.

First off, you have 3 basic types of printer -

• Dot Matrix - these print onto paper by punching blunt pins through a inked ribbon, to create characters on your page. Old, but still useful in some cases...
• Ink Jet - these spray small dots of ink onto your page - usually in varying colours. These are the most common home printers...
• Laser - these create a image of your printed page on a special drum using static electricity - the drum is then covered in black powder called toner which sticks to the static image. The drum then transfers the toner to a paper page, which is then heated to fuse the toner to the page as ink.
• Colour Laser - same as a normal laser, but the image is seperated into 4 distinct colours (black, cyan, magenta and yellow), before fusing to the page.
  

Most common problems....

• Connection - make sure your printer is connected to your computer - no connection, no printee...
• Installation - you have installed the printer software for your operating system haven't you? No? Really? Good Grief! Go back to GO, do not pass GO, do not collect £200...
• Power - don't laugh! You have turned the printer on haven't you...
• Paper - make sure you have loaded the paper according to the manual...
• Is the printer ready? Usually, there is a light that shows the printer is ready to print - if that light is not shining, check your printer documentation (you might need to press one of the buttons on the printer to get it going you know...)

Not so common problems...

• Paper Jams - no matter how good you are with your printer, you will have paper jams - it's a fact of life. However, when clearing a paper jam, remember the following...
  • Remove paper slowly and carefully
  • Do not use sharp objects to poke anywhere in the paper path - seriously!
  • Look very carefully for foreign objects (such as paper clips, screws, pins, pencils, coins, sweets, condoms - I'm not kidding here...)
• Faulty ink cartridges - try wiping any electrical contacts with a lint free cloth, or even better, isopropyl alcohol. Replace the cartridges as a last resort...
  
• Marks on toner drums (you can try wiping these off with a lint free cloth.
• Refilled Inks/Toners - I know inks/toners are expensive, but refills are always problematic - any problems, replace with an new cartridge.
• Print Quality - normally cured by using a new ink/toner cartridge - especially true with HP printers...
  

As with many things in life, printers are not rocket science. Simple common sense wins through everytime with these little beasties, but if all else fails, at least they are cheap to buy...